Sunday, September 18, 2011

A good friend and a wonderful lady is in heaven now

Yesterday a good friend of mine, a very lovely lady and very special person, passed on to heaven. She was a wonderful person to all: daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, grandmother. Tall, slim, gracious and classy, she was kind and generous to everyone always. She left this world much too early.  I believe that God didn't want to her suffer any more so he called her home to be with Him.

When someone passes from us quickly, or too young, we all second guess ourselves, at least I do. I should have done more, I should have helped or visited more. I wasn't generous enough with my time.  I feel guilty that I wasn't allowed to spend time with my own mother right before she passed on just last month, or at the very least, I should have been there when it happened.  But I didn't, and I wasn't there. My friend left me a message on my answering machine on Tuesday to tell me that she was now at home, but by the time I heard her message, I had already been to visit with her there....I listened to her message just a few days later and then she was gone from us on Saturday, so so fast.  She was blessed with many family and close friends at home, caring for her and loving her at all times during her last weeks of life.  I am grateful, and I know many of her friends are grateful too, that we were privileged to be able spend a few precious minutes with our friend before she was called home.

My friend loved life, her family, her friends, and especially her husband, her 2 children and her 3 grandchildren. I knew her before the grandchildren were born back when she was a working lady. We were all very busy then. Within the space of a couple of years, she was blessed with 3 gorgeous grandchildren and decided to retire so that she could spend precious time with them while they were small. Her grandchildren loved her tremendously and she loved them so very much.  They were so special to her.  I was jealous of her 3 grandkids, but she was generous enough to "share" them with me from time to time.  Those 3 children are wonderful people who I know will never forget their Gramma and how much she cherished and loved each one of them.

She loved get-togethers, dinner parties, Thanksgiving, New Year's, group meetings: whenever there would be food and friends and conversation. She also enjoyed visiting family during the summer, family who lived far away. There are so many people who loved to be with her. She always set a delicious table with wonderful cuisine, good people and great conversation, along with wine, cheese, bread and finished off with a bit of decaf coffee. At her house, I always knew that I would eat a fabulous homemade meal with all the trimmings and enjoy visiting with fascinating people. When she came to my house, she always brought me something....she was thoughtful like that.

Once I "retired" and wasn't as busy as before, I had the opportunity to spend time with her, just the 2 of us.  I will dearly miss those times. We saw each other more often in the last year, and I am grateful that I have those memories with her. Just last month, we went for a doctor's appointment together and then later had a very late lunch.  We talked and talked and talked for the better part of the day. We discussed everything: family (both mine and hers), politics, faith, food, travel.  She was tired by the end of the day, but she never complained. She always had a smile on her face.

If you didn't know her, you might say, wow, that person was really something, incredible! Truly, she really was something. She always wanted to know how I was doing, what was happening with me. She sympathized with me in all my troubles and gave opinions sparingly but honestly and with kindness.  She made a point of putting ME at ease, always.  But even she had a few doubts and regrets occasionally, she told me once. She was human, after all, just like the rest of us. But I can't believe that she ever hurt anyone, that just wasn't her style. Her simple goodness and pureness of spirit made me want to be a better person, to try to be more like her. I doubt that I will ever come close.

She made the world a sweeter place with her presence, and I was blessed to be able to call her my friend.  I will miss her very much and I know that all of you will miss her, too. Adios, my friend. May you watch over us all. Put a good word into God's ear for us since you are already there, ok?   I will see you again.

Monday, September 5, 2011

A wonderful woman passed away last week.

My mother, Anne Drobot Gunter, passed away on August 24th, 2011. I will miss her so. She was feisty, witty, kind, generous and unique. She was also smart, disciplined and a wonderful wife, mother, auntie, sister and grandmother.

She patiently taught my kids to play card games; she helped me fend off bullies with word phrases that made them stop -- without me using any violence or cruelty. She never left the house without impeccable hair, nails, clothes and lipstick; she always set a lovely table and made a feast for guests. She prayed daily for all the members of her family, that God would guide us and protect us.

She suffered much: loneliness when she was far from her family; when her parents, my father, and her daughter, my sister died; when family members disappointed her; and finally when she began to be very sick and frail, when her body ached and she couldn't breathe normally. She tried not to complain, and when she did we didn't really listen, we were wrapped up in our own anguish, knowing that she was going to leave us soon.

She was opinionated and had strong beliefs: God's love and grace, family ties and loyalties, giving, cleanliness and neatness, discipline, thriftiness, humor, enjoying the goodness of the earth and people.  I grew up without Koolaid, boxed cake mixes, fast food, bought cookies (except for girl scout cookies) or sodas in the house - she believed in making and baking tasty, fresh and well prepared food for the family always. Cereal and milk for breakfast was the fastest food we ate, and that was only after she found herself a job outside the home and didn't have as much time as before. As a teenager, tv dinners, tang, bought pastries and coca cola were treats that I purchased for myself with my own money as she would never had brought them into the house. Homemade bread and pastries, baked chicken and real mashed potatoes or pot roasts and scalloped potatoes made with her father's potato mandoline were often on the menu at home; at Christmas she made fudge with a candy thermometer.

My father treated her like the queen he loved. They were devoted to each other, and had a friendship and partnership that never faltered. She never had to balance a checkbook, fill the gas tank, handle home or auto repairs, pay bills or do the taxes - she did the laundry, the housework and the cooking.  Until he passed away 16 years ago. Even so, she managed to cope and successfully adapted, even though she missed him immensely. She learned how to balance the checkbook and pay bills, even take care of the car and get her taxes done. She lived within her budget and yet still managed to send money to those in need - and also to her grandchildren on their birthdays. She was always gracious and welcoming to all.

She was a long time mainstay at her church, and a member for 58 years. She gave that church a lot of herself and her money over the years and spent much time there - as a deaconess, member, bible study teacher, collection money counter, and probably more tasks and duties that even I was ever aware of. She made friends with no less than 4 preachers, all of whom came to love and respect her - and I'm sure will miss her now that she's not there. There will be a hole in that congregation that will be difficult to fill.

She nursed me through asthma, cat allergies, measles, my tonsil and adenoid removal surgery; helped me pick out my first purchased dress from the Sears catalog (that wasn't a hand-me-down) and numerous pairs of gawdy glasses in the 60's; encouraged my studies; told me what she thought about each of my boyfriends (she never really liked any of them until she met the one I married); proudly watched me graduate from college and then later get married; entertained my children in so many ways that I hear about another one all the time; taught me to love reading novels and magazines; taught me the importance of a good first impression; and never let me grow too old for her to tell me what she thought about my clothes, my hair, my life, my plans.

I will always be her baby - her youngest child. I used to hate that, now I am sorry I didn't appreciate her efforts more. She always said she tried to do her best, I think she did pretty good. My dad died 16 years ago, I think of him almost every day, and miss him just as much today as I did then. I know I will think of her every day, too, and will miss them both tremendously. I wish I could pick up the phone and call heaven to talk to them, as I know they are both up there. I hope they are both smiling down at all of us. My promise to each of them is to try to live up to their expectations of me as a daughter, a wife, a mother, a person. They would want that.